Life is a whirlwind, isn't it? Taleb describes these events clearly in all his books. Sadly, I have my personal Black Swan event. I was cruising one of my best summers in my life, I was just happy, with a head full of dreams and plans! But that morning, on 21st of Sept, BAM! A life unexpected setback!
That morning, I had a check with the doctor, regarding a small pain that I had for a few weeks. I got diagnosed with a 13-11-9 cm Sarcoma tumour, fu##! My life at that moment just changed, in four hours I should had to pick up the train to speak at Atlantica Conf, I had plans to have dinner with one of my mentors, and I'd just received the worst notice that I could get.
In just a matter of days, you get into a spiral of doctors. Lots of checks, you can feel how the private insurance is not working in Spain because it's too risky to get treatment here, go to the National Insurance System, it's much better, they say! The crazy thing is that in a month I got around 25 appointments at the hospital.
When you get a diagnostic like this, being strong can be tricky, this is what helped me:
- If you doubt, you're fu####!: Trust is something hard to get or build. The first rule that I put in place with my family&friends, no doubts about the doctors, if I doubt, the fear is in there, if you have fear you cannot move.
- Calmness is contagious: The first day, I was in shock. Close ones got in that mood too, I saw that even in my therapist! So I got calm, so the mod for people around me changed a lot!
- Knowledge is power (and personal): The first day the oncologist said that looks bad. I asked the likely consequences, and she said amputation of my right leg! I only mentioned it afterwards. Close people can be scared about that, but I had a rule not to overtake steps for them.
- Humour helps, a lot: At the end, I'll get a "lovely limp", my way to escape was: "If I get a limp, I have options to be ESA astronaut", since that day, I have been "the Astronaut" for a few doctors!
- The extra mile: You'll discover those who always go the extra mile. A cousin spotted my name at the hospital, he could call, or do nothing, but he visited me at home that day and explained all. A lot of friends take a moment to get me distracted. Thanks!
- The unknown reality: Waiting for MRI or CAT, I realised a different reality. It's still shocking in my head, one day, waiting for CAT exams, with eight women in their forties or early fifties, all with breast cancer. A reality that you didn't know about, but it sucks!
So, in January, I got surgery, the desmoid tumour went all away, and things are clear to move forward! I need to stay lying in bed for two months, yeah, you read correctly, two months. Lucky me, I could prepare it in advance, so I have the weirdest setup to have a computer in bed! Logitech, the K400r keyboard is shit!
When you need to be lying in bed, you can think about a lot of things, and I'm sure that almost all negative! I got into the Theodore Vail mod, explore what you don't know about! If you want to stay motivated and in the good mod, you need to feel challenged every single day, the healthy stress!
Today marks my 50th day! I learnt a lot of things, from NixOs, to the Kernel! I also started to understand the guitar, the idea is to play something at the end of the year. Additionally, I want to understand more about the IA, I improved my math skills, and now I'm reading the The Theorical Minimun books and a lot of biographies! Because I have time, I also organized a few meetups at the hackspace!
I was also reading old classic books, the world didn't change that much ehh!
I'm happy, all went well, it was a close call! Now it's only recovery time, but I'm happy that I have this moment to say thanks to a lot of people, to improve my knowledge, and to realise how fragile we are! Maybe you don't know how fast you are dependent on others!
A lot of people think that I'm tired, bored or crazy. I turn around the issue and it has been a discovery time with a lot of learnings. I'm not thankful for dealing with this shit, but I'll be thankful for all the good things that teached me!